SIDEBAR: Father takes up mother's role with wife working abroad

By John Grafilo Oct 7, 2009, 5:04 GMT

   Alaminos, Philippines - Ricky Pitogo stood out like a sore thumb among more than a dozen mothers watching their children rehearse a dance in an elementary school classroom in a sleepy town south of the Philippine capital.

   The 36-year-old father, carrying a pink school bag in each hand and a small Hello Kitty bag hanging on his chest, watched intently as his daughter pranced with other schoolchildren.

   'For over a year now, I have been both father and mother to my two daughters,' he said in his hometown of Alaminos in Laguna province, 75 kilometres south of Manila.

   Pitogo said he took on the dual role to his 9- and 11-year-old daughters after his wife left a year and a half ago for Spain to work in a restaurant that also employs his sister.

   'It's not easy, but my wife and I decided that we have to make these sacrifices for the sake of our children,' he said. 'We just can't earn enough here.'

   Pitogo admitted the decision to let his wife, a schoolteacher, go to Barcelona was met with resistance by his daughters.

   'At first, my two daughters did not want their mother to leave, but after we explained to them our circumstances, they finally relented, provided their mother work with my sister,' he said.

   Pitogo, who did not finish college, said his weekday schedule usually starts at 4 in the morning. He cooks breakfast, irons the school uniforms and heats water for the girls' baths.

   'At 5 am, I wake them up and prepare them for school,' he said. 'I drive them to school at 6:30 am. After returning from school, I wash the dishes and do the laundry. Then I cook lunch.'

   Before picking up the children from school late in the afternoon, Pitogo said he cleans the house and does other errands, such as buying groceries or paying the electric and water bills.

   'I usually watch television after dinner, but before 9 in the evening, we are already in bed,' he said. 'When my wife left, I promised her that I will personally take care of our children, and I intend to keep that promise. My world now revolves around my children.'

   Pitogo said he did not employ a house helper, saving the money to improve their home instead.

   Home to Pitogo is an unfinished bungalow of about 60 square metres behind his parents' house.

   Shekinah, Pitogo's eldest daughter, said she was proud of her father, who has taken good care of her and her sister, Sheena Joy, since their mother left.

   'He cooks good chicken adobo and fish sinigang,' she said, referring to a chicken dish made with soy sauce and vinegar as well as a sour soup.

   Shekinah said that she and Sheena Joy have become very close to their father.

   Despite Pitogo's dedication to his daughters, something was lacking. 'He doesn't know how to braid my hair,' Shekinah said, 'so I ask my aunt to do it.'

   When asked if she misses her mother, Shekinah broke down and wept uncontrollably until her aunt comforted her.

   Shekinah said she has many dreams, including becoming a teacher, a runway model, a businesswoman and a lawyer, but she might have to shed more tears before she can attain any of her dreams because her father was expected to join her mother in Spain in the next few months.

   'The two of them will be left with their grandmother, my mother,' Pitogo said. 'They are growing fast, and we want to give them only the best. We want them to study in the best schools, and this costs a lot of money.'

   'We intend to eventually bring our two children with us in Spain, but they have to study here first,' he said. 'I am sure that we will eventually become one whole family again.'