India-Pakistan couples battle bureaucracy, decades of enmity (Feature)

By Siddhartha Kumar and Nadeem Sarwar Apr 14, 2010, 5:00 GMT

New Delhi/Islamabad - Marriages between Indians and Pakistanis are not uncommon, but the couples face problems unique to citizens of two nuclear-armed rivals with more than six decades of hostilities.

The fates of many cross-border weddings are dictated by political forces. Relations between the two South Asian countries are marred by years of mistrust, a frantic race for nuclear arms and the palpable threat of war, punctuated by sporadic efforts to allay tensions.

When India and Pakistan decide to talk of peace, the couples can dream of meeting. But when tensions are heightened, star-crossed lovers live with the nightmare of permanent separation.

There was controversy, and hope, when Indian tennis star Sania Mirza and Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik - among South Asia's best- known sports personalities - got married Monday in the southern Indian city of Hyderabad. Celebrations have also been planned in Lahore, Pakistan.

Malik, 28, is a former Pakistan cricket captain now facing a year- long ban for poor performance and indiscipline, and Mirza, 23, was the first Indian to win a WTA tour event in 2005.

In an apparent bid to avoid future questions about their loyalties from hardliners in both countries, the couple is planning to settle in a neutral place - the Gulf emirate of Dubai.

Other couples on both sides of the border face a trial by fire amid the nations' hostilities and societal prejudices. For years, they have defied electrified border fences, dominant perceptions that view either side as the enemy, and war-mongering by hawkish generals and radical groups.

Cross-border couples - many of whom now meet over the internet - know that stringent visa restrictions might not allow them a real meeting in their lifetimes. They also know only too well that their love may remain forbidden - a bond restricted to cyberspace. But they don't give up.

Pakistani journalist Sumaira Ahmad has applied six times for an Indian visa over the last five years to meet her beau, stock broker Ankush Mehta, who lives in Mumbai, India's financial capital. But her application has been rejected each time, with visa officials demanding additional documentation.

'These demands to attach extra documents are just excuses. They don't want to give me a visa,' Ahmad said. 'I don't want to lose hope, but honestly speaking there is little hope left.'

Ahmad, 30, who works for a television channel, started chatting with Mehta over the internet following a military stand-off between India and Pakistan in 2002.

'After months of interaction, we felt that this enmity, always highlighted by our leaders, was more a matter of bad politics in both countries,' she said.

'We fell in love even though he is a Hindu and I am a Muslim,' Ahmad said. 'Our families don't like this, but we don't care.'

India and Pakistan are divided not only by their heavily guarded borders but also by religion, which played a decisive role in their formation when the British colonialists retreated from the sub- continent in 1947.

An artist couple in New Delhi said that marriages between Indians and Pakistanis are all about courage.

'There is so much historical baggage, suspicion and rivalry between the countries, but we have no option to overlook it. Marriage is about love and not politics,' the Indian artist said, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Art often helps to bridge the divide.

Five Pakistani actors, writers and musicians have made India their home or are moving after finding love. The couples talk about forming a lobbying group to get visas more easily. They often face additional problems of landlords refusing to rent them homes.

Despite the blood-stained partition in 1947 and three post- independence wars, a mutual fascination for and love of common culture, films and music has deepened in both countries.

Cross-border love is a recurring theme in films from Bollywood, the Hindi-language film industry based in Mumbai that produces an estimated 800 movies a year and is hugely popular in both countries.

Shaadi.com, India's leading matrimonial website, has opened franchises in Pakistan.

Newspapers in both India and Pakistan now have marriage-related classified advertisements under the title 'Love Over Country,' which they say are 'aimed at joining hearts across the borders.' These ads play a major role in matchmaking, and every newspaper carries a separate pullout of matrimonial ads running into several pages.

While all these efforts are bringing people in both countries closer, the bureaucracy they face remains stubbornly unchanged.

Visa officials in both countries adopt a complicated process of documentation and delaying tactics to discourage even families divided by partition to visit each other, let alone allowing lovers to establish legally bound relationships.

'My wife has visited her family only twice since we married 25 years ago,' said Mohammad Akram, from Pakistan's Sukkur city, of his Indian Muslim spouse. 'We get one visa after our applications are rejected 10 times. You know how costly it is, so we stopped applying for it.'

The New Delhi artist said: 'The officials seem callous. One we overheard remarking why we couldn't find someone in our own country.'

Pakistani feminist poet Kishwar Naheed said: 'People from both countries want to meet each other, love each other and live in peace. But the bureaucracies of the countries do not allow this.'